01 APRIL 2024

Following the recent announcement that The Enhanced Games, which plans its first Olympic style competition in 2025, will have no drug-testing and encourage athletes to pump, juice and dope however they see fit, the organizer is looking for a few good dopers.

The games, promoted by venture capitalists and tech entrepreneurs, is meant to be the first event of its kind to support performance-enhancing drugs and not follow World Anti-Doping Agency (WADA) rules.

Although the idea of athletes competing fully doped has been called dangerous and fraught with ethical issues by experts worldwide, Enhanced Games Chief Marketing Officer, Klen Buterol, is recruiting athletes willing to throw caution to the wind and participate – setting his sights on amateur cyclists.

In an interview with Gran Fondo Daily he shared his thoughts.

GFD: Why invite amateur cyclists to participate in your games?

Klen Buterol: “It is estimated that 44% of athletes use performance enhancements. But when I read recently that 130 amateur cyclists abandoned a race, or 70%, after anti-doping authorities showed up, I immediately knew where to start recruiting.”

GFD: Those were all masters age athletes, Are they not too old?

Klen Buterol: No. No. No. They are our perfect demographic. Who does not want to watch and cheer on an old weekend warrior cyclist, or ex pro doper Lance Armstrong, as they blow away world records and make traditional bike racing look boring. It will be riveting, real on the edge of your seat racing – if they survive to reach the finish. Plus, older riders tend to have lots of disposable income to buy the best performance enhancing drugs, maintain good health insurance in case of ‘adverse issues’ and can take time from work to attend the games.”

GFD: Really? Are you serious?

Klen Buterol: “In our wildest dreams we could not think of a better or larger pool of athletes so experienced in the ways of doping and dedicated to winning at any cost. For example, one 53 year-old amateur used a cocktail of TEN banned substances! Plus, if an athlete breaks a world record they, or their heirs, will receive one million dollars. That is a match made in heaven, although I must admit some athletes may end up in heaven a bit early.”

GFD: Are you worried about the long-term impact on sports?

Klen Buterol: “No. Our motto is ‘Sports can be safer without drug testing.’ We see this as a way for amateurs to showcase their real personality and enhanced potential, while we make millions selling the television and movie rights, plus merch. In addition, with amateur dopers participating in the games anti-doping agencies worldwide will essentially become unnecessary. After all, without The Joker, there’s no Batman. Without Joe Frazier, there’s no Muhammad Ali. Without amateur cyclists, there’s no World Anti-Doping Agency.”

Photo Credit: AI generated by DALL-E